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I had a few friends, but largely didn’t connect with my peers.When I’d tie up my shoes in the locker room before basketball practice or sit down in the cafeteria with my brown-bag lunch, my heart always felt worlds away from the chatter about boys, teachers and gossip. I played sports, ran the newspaper, then retreated home into the solace of my books, quiet ambitions and tight-knit nuclear family.I’d made a few friends there, but many did not stick.Proximity friends from high school had dissipated, naturally; when you don’t have much in common, those bonds don’t remain.

In May 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend on a Tuesday. I remember tracing every detail of the sky, over and over again in my mind until I fell asleep.For the record, I’m glad I took a chance on that email from a stranger, no matter how strange it felt to me at the time.(It hadn’t happened before, hasn’t happened since.) I’m glad Steph didn’t play it cool, either. Follow up on “soft” happy hour invites by similarly unsure people.It was in moment that I realized I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m also well aware there’s no guarantee that I’ll meet my life partner in early adulthood, or The social sphere with the most potential for immediate impact is the one I overlooked the longest, amidst family history and the constant get-together-breakup cycles of dating: friends. But maybe I should have been, because my life changed dramatically when I was wholly intentional about the friends I invested in. Sometimes, they have a corrective effect on our stories, bringing a certain kind of support we once lacked to our lives.And like most worthwhile things in life, it took a ton of effort to get that lucky — effort which my friends and I all continue to bring. But siblings get busy with their own lives, on totally separate trajectories from our own; mine took up residence in the ‘burbs with a partner and two kids of his own. They can often understand you in ways your birth family cannot; how you never fit in back home, how you’re evolving as a human, what sets your soul on fire and where you want to be.

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